So much for the 4th of July...

As most of you know, I REALLY wanted to have Rachel born on the 4th of July. I thought it would be super cool to be born on the most important day of the year for this country. However, when 8 o'clock rolled around that night and finding myself chilling in my in-law's basement instead of the Hospital, I finally accepted the fact that it was NOT going to happen. :o( I wanted to call my Mom and just complain and cry to her about my frustration.

The pants I was wearing felt restricting and made me more irritable & fortunately we had packed with us (just in case) the Maternity bags and I had a dress that I could wear. After changing into the dress & calling my Mom, Brian helped me deal with my disappointment by going on a long walk. It helped, but I was still tired of having her chill inside much longer than anyone of us anticipated...10 days now & counting.

My Doctor wanted to have me induced on the 1st, and even the on-call Doc said he could induce me on Saturday (7/2) if I wanted. But I wanted "nature to take it's course" and have Rachel arrive whenever she wanted...until the 5th because the Dr. wouldn't let me go farther than that on my own because the uterus starts deteriorating around week 42, and I was getting close to that deadline.

So we knew that July 5th would be the day when we went to sleep that night of the 4th. I had some anxiety and felt like I slept lighter than I should have, but what can you do when you know that your body is going to be pushing out a baby in a few hours? Got up around 6 and showered and then on my way to making the call to the hospital to get on the schedule they called me to make sure I was coming and to be there by 7:30. Had my "last meal" and headed to the hospital.

When we got there Brian went to the check-in window and said "We'd like to check-in to our 'Suite' now". (Which if you think about it, that room will be the most expensive room we'll be spending money on to stay in!) Luckily it was a room with a view of Logan Canyon & the Mountains on the East side of the valley. (Should have taken a pic of the view, but other things were on my mind.)

We got situated and the nurse gets me hooked up on the machines and puts the heart monitor on my belly to get a good read on Rachel. Then they start me on Pitocin and get the IV going for the anti-biotic for me being GBS+. My Dr. came in to check on me before she went to the Women's Center and attempted to break my water. She had to try three times before it finally broke. WOW. (Talk about the strangest sensation of feeling something gushing when you're not feeling like you have to go to the bathroom!) Then the waiting began. I had determined that I wanted to try and go "natural" so I could prove to myself that I could do it....mainly it was because my Mom mentioned once that she thought I was a "wuss" when it came to pain and that she didn't think I could do it. So my stubborn nature came into play and I was determined to prove her wrong.

Contractions were nothing compared to what I thought they would be. They were painful, but I had heard from friends that it is basically someone squeezing the crap out of your uterus. I did have pain, but I really wanted to sit up because laying on my sides wasn't helping me at all. Because of the pitocin, it affected how frequent the contractions occurred. In the mid-afternoon the nurse mentioned that there was a drug to help "take the edge off" of the contractions. I was all for giving that a shot. The drug only lasted about an hour and then you had to get another one. So like clockwork I knew when the drug was wearing off every hour and would ask for another round. After the requesting it for the 4th time the nurse did say that the drug wouldn't be as effective because the body starts to get used to having it in the system. Well crap.

Brian was sooo good during this whole ordeal. Several times when the contractions were doubling up on me he climbed into bed with me and would start breathing into my ear the slow breaths to deal with the contractions. I hate eating ice chips. But during all of the discomfort of the contractions I learned that if the contractions started I needed to put ice chips in my mouth. That way the pain would be taken away from the contractions and focused on the coldness of the ice chips. Brian got pretty good at getting a few in my mouth during every contraction. Having him cuddled next to me really helped calm me down. That I think was the best part of the hospital stay--having him be there with me every step of the way.

Once the "take the edge off" drug wore off around 430, the nurse commented that if I was going to get an epidural that I should start thinking about asking for it soon. They had the anesthesiologist in the Hospital still and she gave us the heads up that it would take a bit to get everything set up for them to get it done. Brian piped up and said that I should look into getting it done and suggested to me that they should start it at 5. I thought that I should still try to be a tough cookie...and only lasted until 440 when I told him that they might as well get me an epidural. He was insightful and I knew that he had my best interest at heart.

I had been told by my BFF Amber that with epidurals you DO NOT want to move a flippin' muscle when the procedure is being done. One wrong move with getting an epi can make you have pain in your back for the rest of your life. Yikes!! Also, while they're putting the needle in your back it will also be longer than several contractions, but you're still not supposed to move. Once they were going to start, hiccups decided to come and visit me. What the crap!? Not like I had enough to focus on! Fortunately they put you into the fetal position when they give you the epi and honestly that felt sooo good to be in that position! It helped with the contractions and I was able to relax while they did the procedure.

Around 6 pm Brian's Mom & my Best Friend Dezie came over to be with us for the rest of the adventure. Dezie is a licensed Massage Therapist & has an EMT background that made her one of the best candidates for helping us. About that time the Dr. came in and checked me again and I was only at a 5.5 dilated. Not good considering it had been a few hours of me being at that number. So I asked Dezie if she could work on my feet and do a Footzone on them to try and get the cervix to dilate more and for Rachel to drop since she hadn't shown any signs of progression. Since I couldn't feel my feet besides just a small amount of pressure, she obliged and did some craniosacral techniques instead. She dilligently worked on me and by 9 things were starting to progress. There was even one time when I woke up and told Brian, his Mom & Dezie that the baby "dropped". About that time the nurse came in and commented that she had indeed dropped. The Dr came in about that time and decided to give me another hour and then said that we would be ready to start the last bit of the adventure: The delivery.

I was feeling anxious, and I know that Brian was too. We waited patiently while they got everything set up for the delivery and while they were getting ready to start I asked Dezie if she would want to cut the umbilical cord. She looked at me quizzically and asked didn't Brian want to do it. Brian never has wanted to cut the cord. He was perfectly content to stay up by my upper half during the ordeal. No blood & guts for my honey! She said she could if I wanted to have her do it. Then the Dr. asked Dezie if she would be willing to hold my leg during the delivery. She said yes and definitely has seen more of me than I'm sure she ever wanted to see. They placed me in high stirrups that practically had my legs feeling as if they were going to go over my head! I seriously felt like a contortionist having to perform for an audience.

I was given the instruction to grab my upper legs and pull my upper body to my legs and take a big breath and then push for 10 seconds and to do that continuously for 3 repetitions. HOLY CRAP did that take the wind out of me! Everytime I pushed I wanted to expell the air out at the same time but my Dr. said that I needed to hold it in. YEAH RIGHT! There were a few times where they would have me push for 4 reps instead of just the 3. They let me push when I was feeling like I needed to. At the beginning of this ordeal I had a killer headache. It didn't help that they had a lot of lights on directly into my eyes. I asked for a dry washcloth to have on my eyes so I didn't have to have those annoyingly bright lights on me. No wonder babies wail so loud when they come out of the womb...those things are BRIGHT!!

There were a lot of nurses there during the delivery. And I mean A LOT. They had some from Mom & Baby unit for when Rachel came out, some from Labor & Delivery, my regular nurse. I kept pushing and thought that there were too many women in the room. I was completely fine with having Dezie, Mom & Brian there along with my tending Nurse and of course the Doctor, but DANG! So amidst the pushing and feeling slightly embarrassed that people that I've never have met before are seeing parts of me that I would rather not show off I was encouraged to keep pushing. I tried once to let some air out while I was pushing and my Dr. said that I need to hold it in. Apparently it helps out if I keep it in. I don't know... Then there came this urge in my body that I wanted to push. So my Dr let me. I knew Rachel would be coming in no time. In the midst of the 2nd repetition I was hearing all of the ladies say over and over "push PUSH PuSh Push PUSH" over and over. But at that time I heard "PUSH ANGRY!!" from a petite nurse on the right side. Once I heard that, I thought "I can TOTALLY push angry right now!" and I gave it one or two pushes and Little Miss Rachel Elizabeth was here. I had heard that the pushing stage can take anywhere from a few minutes to 2+ hours. Luckily I was only pushing for 30 minutes.

(and for the record this is a shot of Daddy and Rachel.

Daddy has his shirt off and is doing the "Kangaroo Method"

which is supposed to help babies with adjusting to this new world)

Rachel Elizabeth
8.2 Lbs, 20"

I unfortunately had to be cut for fear of me tearing before I delivered Rachel. So when she was born Dezie was able to cut the umbillical cord as well as take pictures of the hustle & bustle of making sure Rachel was okay and seeing her for the first time. I couldn't hold Rachel for about a 1/2 hour which was making me anxious since my Dr had to sew me back up.

(Our First picture of us as a New Family & Me Meeting Rachel for the first time)

They also kept watching Rachel's breathing because it sounded like it had a lot of fluid in her lungs and they were debating on sending her over to NICU. THANKFULLY due to having to be stitched up they kept her there and finally decided that she was healthy enough to come up and be with Brian & I in the Mommy & Baby Unit. I had one of my friends who was a Lactation Specialist meet up with us about an hour after she was born so she could help me out with the feeding. I don't know how women can have complete strangers help them with nursing. She was fantastic in helping me out and let's just say that Rachel was born with a super-powerful sucker. IT.HURT.when she would try to nurse.

Rachel's Dr wanted to have her stay in the hospital for 2 days just to make sure everything was okay with the breathing and she was border-line jaundice. It was nice to get out of there. I really wasn't fond of the 5am "check on the patient/baby" routine. I was a paranoid concerned mother and would NOT let them take Rachel unless Brian or I went with them. Some nurses could care less about me as a person and saw me more as a "task" to accomplish and move on to the next victim patient. The nurse that was assigned to me on the evening shift when Rachel was born was not my favorite AT.ALL. She was pushy and said some things that made me mad like suggesting that we might have to get a C-Section going because we didn't see any change. So after Rachel was born we had to transfer me from the Labor & Delivery Unit up to Mom & Baby Unit via a wheelchair. I had some of the epidural in me still so that nurse had to help me to the wheelchair by me scooting. Well, she had bent down and I wasn't paying attention to where she was and was looking to the left when I shifted my upper body to the right and basically clocked her in the face. WOOPS. I felt sorry about it but honestly not too sorry about it because I didn't think very fondly of her and thought she kind of deserved it. I did apologize.

3 Generations
(Grandma, Rachel & Daddy)

She is Grandbaby #14 on Brian's side and #1 on mine

We had Brian's Mom & Dad and Sister and a few visitors come and see us (for which we were grateful) and the one bad thing is that the couch that Brian had to sleep/hang out on wasn't comfy at all. One of the sucky things was that our TV didn't have a remote that changed the channels, so we just watched some DVD's that we brought.

I remember Brian & I talking before we became parents about how nerve-wracking it is going to be. I honestly have NEVER held a brand new baby before. I knew they existed, but I wasn't ever blessed to hold one before Rachel. I had lots of anxiety about how I needed to be attentive to her needs as well as wonder what her personality is going to be. It definitely is true what they say that they change every day!! This has been a long journey in getting her here and we are excited to be able to become parents to such a sweet little girl of our Heavenly Father. I know that with this experience that miracles did happen and we were blessed to have pretty much an uneventful delivery. I have also learned that it truly does 'take a village to raise a child' and I am soooo grateful for all of the prayers and support on our behalf.

**SIDENOTE:**One thing that I HIGHLY recommend ANY of our friends who are having a child to check out the DVD of "The Happiest Baby on The Block" By Dr. Harvey Karp. That man is AMAZING when it comes to helping babies and with soothing their crying reflex that can amount to "Purple Crying". My friend suggested to check it out and it was on backorder at the Library until Rachel was 3 weeks old. Oh what I would have given to know that stuff BEFORE she was born!! It still helped a TON with stopping crying unless she really needed something. We also are using the "Miracle Blanket" that keeps her swaddled at night. That is the most important piece of baby equipment we have along with her bottle. ;o)

Sneak Peak...

We're blessed to have one of Brian's Cousins live close by who is a Photographer (check out his work here) and is so chillax and very easy to work with. Most of you know that I can be VERY particular about things in regards to Photography... ;o)

Anyways, here are a few shots that I'll share. He did a GREAT JOB! Thanks again Matt!!

Do not open until....???

We have loved you before we met you



Having Parents who love each other is the best thing to have in a Family

We are excited for your arrival!



How tiny will you be in your Daddy's Arms??
(I REALLY LOVE THIS ONE!!)

Dear Little One...

Dear Rachel,

This will be probably full of mindless ramblings, but today is your due date to come into the world. Both your Dad & I have lots of anxiety on meeting you. You get to be our first child in our family. Not sure if that is an honor or a curse (being the oldest myself). Your Dad & I both have never raised a child before, so there will be lots of growing along the way...

We both love you. We are super excited (and nervous at the thought) that Heavenly Father is entrusting you to us. What is your personality going to be like? I really hope your temperament will be like your Daddy's--super sweet, loving, and laid back.

A few months ago you finally let your Dad be able to feel you in my belly. For a while there everytime he touched where you had been kicking you would stay still...like you were playing "Hide 'n Seek" with him. Or he could have the "magic touch" with you like he has with me.

The first part of my pregnancy with you was...well, let's just say that I'm glad it was the first part and not the last part because I would have needed to go to the looney bin. It was a miserable adventure--from being sick to an unexpected tooth extraction and then being sick again, (and then not being able to want to be around family during the Holidays because I felt so miserable) and not eating sweets (which I'm not sure that was a blessing or a curse). But when all of that had passed and people asked me how I was feeling I would reply "I feel like a human again!"

There have been a couple of minor incidences along the way. Like the night of your Baby Shower I was so stressed (and probably your Aunt would say a bit controlling in the planning of it) to have everything right that I ended up visiting the ER due to Bursitis, even though they didn't know what it was at the time. That was a painful experience, and a few weeks later the pain finally subsided... The following day was your Daddy's Graduation from Utah State University. You have no idea how proud I am for him to get that all done before having you little ones down here. I know that Heavenly Father has put you to come down here at the right time...even though I was ready for you a few months earlier.

(my mission companions Dezie & Kimberly at the Baby Shower)

We're really looking forward to meeting you outside the womb. When we went to find out your gender I had known all along that you were going to be a girl. So when the Ultrasound Technician said those magic words "It's a Girl" I remember having tears in my eyes because I was so happy. I told your Grandma Egan who told Grandpa that they were 90% sure you were a girl and he said "I know she is a girl". Wonder how he knew...

I did have an experience about a year before your Dad & I finally got together. I was fortunate enough to be sitting in General Conference on the day that President Thomas S. Monson would be put in as Prophet after President Hinckley passed away. I was there with my dear dear friend Scott (who also was the guy I dated before your Dad). We had already broken up at the time, but Scott is one of these special people in my life that has helped me to grow so much before I could marry your Dad.

So Scott & I were sitting in the Conference Center and I think that we had just finished the "Solemn Assembly" with sustaining President Monson. I had a very strong strong feeling that I could feel your (and your brother & sister's) presence somewhere to the right of the building saying "Come on Mom, find Dad so we can come down!!" That broke my heart because I really wanted to be married and was frustrated that I hadn't found "the one" for me. But I distinctly remember feeling a strong female presence giving me that impression. I know that was you.

You also have given your Dad support when he was struggling with the last little bit of school. He was praying one night and asked: "Is it really worth it?" and he told me later that he saw a little blonde girl come up to him and give him a hug and comforted him and said "it will all be worth it". I'm pretty sure that was you as well.

You are sooo blessed to be coming down to a family that loves you. You have amazing Grandparents on both sides that have raised your Dad & I with selfless love & sacrifice. I just hope that we can be at least half the parents to you as they were to us. On your Dad's side you will be Grandchild #14...and only the 4th girl with 11 boy cousins. On my side you will be the first Grandchild. I'm intrigued at how much you're going to be spoiled by your Aunts & Uncles (as well as your Grandparents). We'll see...

In the meantime little one, I think we're ready for you to come. I'm not sure how the delivery is going to play out, but know that we are looking forward to your arrival soon. Know that we definitely have "loved you before we met you" and that you will always have a special place in our hearts for eternity.

Love,
Mom

Ramblings...

I haven't been much of a writer recently, and that's mainly due to not having much to say. Shocking, I know. I've been trying to apply for different positions and half of them I've interviewed for and all of them have said basically "thanks, but no thanks". I'm beginning to think that my days of working outside of the home are behind me. Brian graduates in December and I'm more happier than he is about it. :o) Mainly because I can have him all to myself instead of him spending hours on homework and being mentally drained afterwards. There is one week in particular every semester (usually the last week before finals) where I wonder what happened to the man I fell in love with. That's entirely due to the Finals and projects that Teachers insist on inflicting him with all at once. But he's almost there.

I can't wait for December to come. He also has a great job here in the valley that I can't complain about. He loves his job and the challenges that comes with it. He's been offered a full-time position several times before and he politely turns them down because he knows that he needs to get his Computer Science Degree before he devotes himself completely in the workforce. Again, December can't come soon enough!

So I've been trying my best to stay patient and have Faith in regards to what is next to accomplish in my life. So far it's been full of reading others' blogs and wishing I could travel. I was rummaging through my pictures that I have on my Hard Drive and came across this one of Dezie, one of my best friends from the mission up in the Swiss Alps. Several of my BFF's have had the chance to travel, and she's done her fair share of it. She's a daredevil! She got to spend an entire summer about a year or so after the mission up to Switzerland for an International Boy Scout Camp. Other places she's been to is Jerusalem & Egypt, then recently over to Brazil. She's so amazingly talented that she even signed herself up to fight wildfires for a few summers!! She's pretty amazing! I tweaked the colors a bit and added the shading and text. I think in all it's a good picture of her. I probably should put it up in my house somewhere to remind myself that it's okay to have faith and to take that leap when I feel prompted.
I can attest that the most faith-jumping experience has been for me to quit my last job. I've been a LOT happier overall and am grateful that right out of the starting gates of getting married we implemented a savings plan and have been frugal in a lot of ways. One way that I would LOVE to be better is in couponing and learning how a family of six can actually eat really well on only 4 dollars a shopping trip!! INSANE but I wanna learn! I also find myself being more creative with different ways to make healthy meals for our family. I LOVE my crockpot!! I bought my 6-qt slow cooker about 4 years ago for only 5 bucks! Best investment EVER!!

Now for some catch-up now that Christmas is over and all of my family members have their gifts...Here is a run-down on some of the crafts I made.

Brian's family has a rule that they are assigned just one sibling and spouse to splurge on a Christmas Gift besides one for Mom & Dad Winkler. But he's from a family of 6 kids, so they're smart in cutting costs. I think that my side of the family is still small, so I still do something special for each one of them. For Christmas I saw a super cute Grocery Bag Holder (tutorial here) that I thought would be perfect and crafty enough even for novice me to take a shot at. So I cranked out about 8 of them and I of course was "willing to make the sacrifice" to have the first one be my very own so I could learn how to better perfect the skill of sewing. Here is my creation:
And here is it's "home" in our pantry. I LOVE it because we just had a grocery bag stuffed to the gills and we actually had a lot more that we had stored. But this stores a LOT. I only used one piece of fabric for the entire thing because it at first seemed a bit intimidating. I also shortened it to about 20" long because it looked WAY too long for my taste. I think it looks perfect!! One of my sister-in-laws commented that she thought that it was bought at the store by how professional it looked. It's all your mom's doing, I swear!!

I also went back to my favorite vinyl lady, Becky at Writings on the Wall for some more vinyl on other crafts that I wanted to make for our families for Christmas. I know that lots of people have the Cricuit, but I honestly don't see what the big deal is about those things. I'm sure if I ever get to play with one I *might* change my mind, but for now, Becky is my go-to gal for vinyl. She made this for one of our centerpieces from our wedding. *LOVE IT!*
That is one of my favorite things that Brian and I do right before we roll over to sleep--Kiss each other Goodnight. So I thought it would be a cute idea to make some of these for my siblings to remind them & their spouses to do that. :o)

Brian and I watched the CES Broadcast last November when President Uchtdorf spoke. He said: "Sometimes it can be difficult to see anything beyond the path immediately before us. We are impatient and do not want to wait for a future fulfillment of our greatest desires. Nevertheless, the brief span of this life is nothing in comparison with eternity. And if only we can hope and exercise faith and joyfully endure to the end—and I say joyfully endure to the end—there, in that great heavenly future, we will have the fulfillment of the righteous desires of our hearts and so very much more that we can scarcely comprehend now."

THAT---my dear friends, and as one of my really good friends pointed out, has been MY theme for years!! I just didn't have it worded as beautifully as that!! That man is a genius!! Now this next sign I made...I ABSOLUTELY LOVED!! I threatened Robyn that if she didn't like this one, I was going to kill her.

The "endure to the end" was in gold and really popped out with the red. I chose red because that's Robyn's favorite color :o) Turned out PERFECT!! I secretly wanted to order 2 of these but I wasn't sure how it would turn out for the first one, but I need to order mine for our place!

Now back to March...
I also have been sewing a bit more recently. I don't have my own sewing machine, and luckily my Mother-In-Law does and is more than happy to let me come over to use it. She is so wonderful to me and honestly I am blessed that I don't have one of those "crazy mother-in-laws"...She is so patient and kind and always speaks kindly of others. I had a bad experience growing up of breaking sewing needles when I was trying to learn how to make scrunchies back when they were popular, so I never wanted to try seriously sewing for fear of screwing up someone else's machine because I sure as heck didn't want to fork over the money for a sewing machine myself. But Mom Winkler was patient and helped me overcome those fears.

I have a Best Friend who is going to have a baby in the beginning of July and she's over in Oregon so I can't really drop everything to go over there and be her support. So I'm doing a bit more sewing on some C-U-T-E baby items. I can't WAIT to post them after she opens them...I might have her wait until her Baby Shower in April before I can post, but I might post on FB to everyone else :o) Yep. I'm mean like that...

Now I'm getting into the planning mode of figuring out what to do for Christmas 2010 as finances will be a bit tighter than we planned. LUCKILY I bookmarked A LOT of different crafts from the season last year and feel more prepared to plan ahead and make stuff during the year. I'm thinking that I would LOVE to have a craft day once a month with people here, but I don't know who is into being crafty or who wants to do something. Maybe I should ask... ;o)

Overall, we're happy and healthy, and honestly that is what matters most. I'll do my best to post more soon :o)

Wanna know what REALLY makes me happy?

Waiting 29 years for MY Mr. Wonderful was soo totally worth it!! He is the one that can make me smile when I'm having the crappiest of days and believes in me when I want to throw in the towel. Thank you honey for making this last year and a half one of the best! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

Let's See Here...

It's been a while since I've written anything on here, and secretly I've been "blog stalking" or "Blocking" on so many cool cool sites. Mostly they're craft sites, but still. I'm fascinated by the way that they can show their creativity and are so open to showing others how to do it as well.

I like to think of myself when it comes to creativity as an Octopus. I bet you're wondering, "what in the heck is that supposed to mean?"
I saw a nature video a few years ago that showed an Octopus placed in a tank. And in the tank was a glass jar with some type of shellish food inside it with a lid screwed on top. It looked at the jar, and was just moving it around trying to figure out how to open it. It had no clue. So what they did next was put a plexi-glass to divide the Aquarium in half and placed another Octopus on the other side. Another glass container was put in the 2nd Octopus' tank. It knew already how to open the jar, and munched down on its food. So the first Octopus watches this whole thing and then is able to quickly open its own jar. So I guess I'm saying is that I am fascinated by the way people create things and want to know how they do it before I even start on a project.

Change...

Change is good...right??


Recently there has been a lot of change going on in my life and I personally don't think I'm ready to handle it.





BUT I know that "change is the only constant thing in life"... so now I need to have FAITH that everything will WORK OUT.

I think at this rate I'm going to go nuts before that happens...